Monday, September 8, 2008

Finding my balance

As many of you know, today was my first day back at work after being home for 15 weeks. Being home for 15 weeks with my first born babieS. I can't really put into words my emotions during those 15 weeks. For you moms out there, you know. You are happy, scared, nervous, tired, excited, anxious, etc etc. You feel about every emotion out there. It's emotionally exhausting... but in a good way. So, my 15 weeks were up today and I headed back to work. Thankfully, we were able to hire a great Nanny. Her name is Reshan. She is great. I'm sure I will refer to her in future blogs so rather than continuing to say "my nanny", I would rather just call her by her name. Reshan is young, energetic, kind, patient and great with Tristen and Felton. She made it much easier to leave the house today. I do have to admit though...last week while I was training her, it was a little harder. Watching someone else hold your babies and rock them... whew, it will take your breath away. It was just like someone punched me right in the gut. That is the only way I can describe it. But, after I got over myself and was able to accept that it was ok for someone else to help me find my balance, I was able to wipe my tears and breath again.
So, back to my "first day". I woke up from a good night sleep (yes, a good night sleep) fed my babies, got dressed, PUT ON MAKEUP, kissed Tristen & Felton goodbye and was off to work. Well, first Starbucks and then work. I had on normal clothes, drank a latte and felt like myself again. A new improved self though! Most of you know that I love what I do. I love where I work, I love the people I work with and I am fortunate to be excited to go back. As I walked into my office, it was like nothing had changed but oh how much HAS in fact changed. I've been thinking alot about being a working mom. It is for me. Having said that, I TOTALLY respect SAHM (stay at home mom's). I will blog about that on another day but I see SAHMoms differently now. They definitely have to be mentally tough to be with their kids 24/7. More power to you mammas! But for me and for now, a working mom is my place. I am back and I am ready to be the best I can be at work and be the best I can be at home. Everyone wins.

So, after being at the office, I came home to happy babies and a very positive Reshan (Ceasar had a basketball game). I feed my babies, play with them, hang out for a while and put their pajamas on. As I was staring at them about to put them down, I decide to sing them each a lullaby. I take Tristen in the nursery first and as I sing to her, she literally wraps her arms around me. I can't believe the feeling... then, I come back into my room and get Felton. Friends, this is true, I sang to him and he sang back at me. He literally "coooed" the entire time I sang to him. It was truly the perfect moment.

I wasn't sure how this day would go but I knew I would be ok. What I didn't know is that at the end of this day, my first day back at work, my babies would make me feel like the most special mom in the world... if I was ever doubting my decision, they gave me my answer.

P.S. Tristen and Felton sent me flowers today and in the note they said "we are so proud of you".


The Morginskys said...

i'm so glad you felt confident today in your decision and am so glad Reshan did good today to let you do your best in your job. miss you!!! ps. i HATE the acronym SAHM!!!:)

Valerie said...

ok, you brought tears to my eyes, I loved this post! you are doing the right thing and, oh, how proud T & F are going to be of their mama!

Margarita said...

I love this picture of them. You blog is awesome!